This is about a very tough but very valuable lesson that God taught me recently. I want to share it, despite the fact that it's glaringly honest (for me!), so that maybe other people can learn from it and be even more grateful to God for what they have. And I want you to ask yourself, is your love for anyone or anything keeping you from following God's will for your life?
Since I can remember I've sung songs in church with lyrics such as “You're my everything”, “You're all I need”, and “You are more than enough for me”. But I never stopped to think that I was completely untruthful in singing those words. I had so many things that I felt like I needed. And in the last few months I've realised that the only way you can really come to know that God is actually all we need, and that God is completely enough, is by having everything else stripped away from you. And when this happens, and it's clear that all you have left to hold onto is God, that's when you realise he is everything.
My decision to join Wycliffe and go to live in Africa was not made lightly, but also was completely inevitable – it's what I've known for a long time that I would eventually do. And not just what I would do, but what I wanted to do. So I'm in a strange paradox of suddenly being exactly where I want to be and having the life I wanted, yet at the same time having lost everything I held dear. I knew that doing this was going to mean giving up a lot, and it did – firstly my relationship, which ended because our lives were going in different directions. And of course my family too – leaving not only meant not being around my family, but missing the birth of my brother and sister-in-law's first baby. I was obviously also leaving lots of wonderful friends from university/home/Wycliffe, and a church where I was known and welcomed.
But I don't want to paint a bad picture of my decision. It is the best decision I've ever made! Yes, to some extent I've 'lost' everyone I love, and I've left behind all the familiarities and comforts of home. Yes, I've put myself in a place where the culture doesn't always make sense, the standards aren't what I'm used to, and basic communication with the people is a barrier. BUT – I've been placed right in the centre of God's will, right in the place I've wanted to be for so long, and doing a job that could not be any more perfect for who I am. I love linguistics, and God hasn't just given me this a skill but as a passion. I love travelling, and have wanted to go to Africa for as long as I can remember. Since my early teens I've wanted to do some sort of mission work, or at least something which was specifically 'churchy' rather than having a normal job. I love God and I love the Bible, and both have transformed me over the years like nothing else could ever do. So look at the enormous blessing of being able to role all these things into one – my faith, my skills, my passions and my life goals. God has been shaping me for this since before I was even aware of it, and so being here right now feels like being Cinderella's foot in the glass slipper – like I've really arrived exactly where I am meant to be.
Of course, that doesn't make it easy! I had a tough week last week. I had a phase of really missing family and friends back home. I can't use Skype here for various internet and phone reasons, so even though I can email and use Facebook, I can't properly chat to people. I'm really desperate to catch up with friends. Also, Swahili classes were becoming a little frustrating due to the frequent swapping of teachers and the slowed-down pace of learning. The campsite was undergoing changes because of new managers coming (and then leaving 10 days later because of a contract falling through) which meant the standards of food and the help available was fluctuating a lot. On top of all that, I was sleeping really badly, which got gradually worse until I only got 2 hours of sleep one night.
I was so tired and ill the next day that things really came to a head. I rang my mum, only to be cut off a few minutes later by my credit running out, and then she couldn't get through to me again. Things seemed to have hit a new low – everything was going wrong and I couldn't even speak to my parents! I was really upset and felt like God had forgotten how much I need the people who love me. Somewhat reluctantly, I got my ipod out and made myself listen to songs of the Psalms. I knew I needed God's word more than anything else.
It was at that moment when I realised that actually, I still had everything I needed. I still had God. And at a time when it felt like literally everything had been taken from me – my family, my friends, a place that I understood – I knew that God was absolutely and completely enough. He brought me here because he knew I could do this with his strength. He knew I could endure the lonely times, the confusions and the frustrations because I have him by my side and I have my faith. He pours more love and blessings on me each day than any of my closest friends or family members ever could. And his word can be trusted more than anything else in this world.
I realised there is no other way that God could have taught me this lesson, without taking so much away from me and then showing me that I still had MORE than enough. It was painful, and still is! But I know now that I had to learn it, because I placed too much value on having all these 'things' and not enough value on my relationship with God. I'm so grateful for learning this lesson because it gives me so much hope and strength for my uncertain future. I can be assured more than ever before that I will always have God – he will never leave me nor forsake me, even if everything and everyone else does. I feel disciplined and humbled at the same time, knowing that it was another one of God's slap-in-the-face-with-a-wet-fish lessons to get me to give him more of my time and more of my praise. They help me to grow each time!
To finish off, here's some scripture that God directed at me through other people at least 3 times in the months running up to my leaving the UK. It spoke to me so plainly, and I hope it blesses you for any sacrifices you have made for the sake of following God .
“And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or property for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life”
Matthew 19:29.
